I'm No Mother Teresa

This righteousness from God comes from faith  in Jesus Christ to all who  believe.  There is no difference,  for all have sinned and fall  short of the glory of God,  and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. –Romans 3:22-24

A while ago we had a meeting at work.  To illustrate a point, we each had the name of a famous person taped to our backs and we were supposed to ask the right questions to find out who we were.  I had only been able to discover I was a woman who was not an actress.  One of my coworkers took pity on me and gave me a hint by saying, “It’s the person you are most compared to here at work.”  Rather than helping, that baffled me even more.  Ultimately they broke down and told me it was Mother Teresa.  My reaction was laughter with a touch of hysteria. 

As a result of that little exercise, however, and without my even realizing it, something began to change in the way I related at work.  Let me give you some background.   When I began that job I had a hard time.  Without going into all of the details, I had been suddenly torn away from a job I loved and was relocated to this new position, and immediately there were a number of other personnel changes which put me in a very difficult and uncomfortable situation.  I felt stressed and desperate for a long time.  I encountered opposition wherever I turned and feared I might have to resign or that I might be let go.  There were times when I felt that, no matter what I did, it would be twisted and turned against me.  I finally came to a place where I surrendered and simply told God that, instead of focusing on trying to please people I would rest in the fact that he loved me and was pleased with me, and therefore, all I wanted was to be a blessing in this job.  Every day when I arrived I would put my hand on the door, take a deep breath and ask him to help me to be a blessing, and then I would walk in.  Slowly but surely God made my paths straight.  I became more comfortable and confident in the position and I watched God smooth out the rough relationships which had caused me so much concern until I finally felt at home.

Two and a half years had passed when we had that meeting where someone made the light-hearted remark that the person I was most compared to at work was Mother Teresa.  Part of me was struck by how much had changed in those two and a half years; but, another part of me felt honored that anyone would even jokingly say that about me.  And in that moment I began to worry.  I know what happens to people on pedestals, they fall off!  No one is exempt, because no one is perfect!  I suspect that even Mother Teresa was no “Mother Teresa” all the time, but her reputation may remain intact since she is dead; unless there is a tell-all book.  I, on the other hand, am very much alive and very human.  I suddenly felt an obligation to try to be the person they seemed to think I was. 

And, do you know what happened?  The more conscious I became of how I was supposed to act to maintain the image of who they thought I was (translated: My Christian Witness) the worse I became.  I was easily annoyed, and when I become annoyed I get snippy and dictatorial.  I also became self-righteous and sometimes downright rude.  My focus was on the mistakes and failings of others.  I was a mess!  I began to dread going to work again.  All of this happened without my grasping what was going on.  I woke up one day and realized that I had gone on a downhill slide and didn’t know why or how it had happened. 

What had happened was, I put my focus on myself and started judging what I was doing for God, instead of focusing on Jesus and what he did for me, and I immediately started looking at the people around me, and judging them; it’s a law of human nature. 

Fortunately, God gently shook me and reminded me of the good news again; the news that I am a mess.  I have no image of my own to maintain.  Any goodness I have comes from the only One who is good, so I don’t have to try to be something I am not.  I just needed to let go, once more, of trying to please people and rest in the fact that God loves me and is pleased with me; then, joyfully, go back to just wanting to be a blessing.  

Repent!

“Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?” –Romans 2:4

This is not going to be a soap box preacher kind of blog, I promise; in fact, quite the opposite.  Not too long ago I discovered something about the word “repent” that has changed my mind about the way I look at it.  You’ll see in a few minutes why that is a pun I intended.

In the Old Testament, the word translated as “Repent” is the Hebrew word Sub.  It means to turn back, or return.  Obviously this was a word primarily used by the prophets who were addressing it to the nation of Israel, calling upon them to forsake their wicked ways; give up foreign idols and turn back to the God of Israel. 

To Israel God gave the Law; the law that revealed what God required man to do in order to obtain righteousness; the law which Galatians 3 says could not impart, or give us righteousness, but rather held us prisoner, locked up until faith should be revealed; the law which was put in charge to lead us to Christ.  But Israel did not have the benefit of understanding that plan.  All they knew was that God had given their nation laws, which he asked them to obey; and, for when they disobeyed, he gave them an elaborate system of sacrifices by which they could obtain forgiveness.  According to Hebrews 9, that elaborate system pointed to Christ as the only acceptable sacrifice, but again, Israel was not clearly given that information. 

Throughout the Old Testament their existence is defined by failed attempt after failed attempt to keep God’s commands and be faithful to their covenant with him; and, whether they understood it or not, their very unfaithfulness was accomplishing the purpose of demonstrating to mankind of all ages the impossibility of obtaining righteousness, or pleasing God, by works. (Romans 9:31-32) But during this cycle of failure, God always sent a messenger to his people to call them to come back to him, to return to him; in the Hebrew, to Sub.

Even today this is the primary meaning that people associate with the word “repent”.  It carries with it the idea of being sorry for or ashamed of having done the wrong thing, and turning away from that wrong thing and back to God.

But then Christ, the one for whom the nation of Israel had been created and to whom their existence had pointed, arrived, and everything changed; including the meaning of the word “repent”.  In the Greek, there are still words that have the same meaning as Sub in the Hebrew.  The word Epistrepho means “turn to” or “return” and Apostrepho means “turn away from”; but neither of those two words is translated “repent” in the New Testament. 

The word translated as “repent” in the New Testament is Metanoeo or Metanoia, and it means to change your mind or the way you think or how you comprehend something.   When used in a spiritual sense, it means to change your mind about, or the way you think about, or the way you have comprehended, God.  It is distinctly a word relating to the mind and thought processes.

Ponder the two different meanings with me for a minute.  Old Testament: Turn back or return to God.  New Testament:  Change your mind about; the way you think about; the way you have comprehended, God.  There is barely any similarity between the two definitions.  I believe there is a reason for that.  

Because, with the advent of Christ, the mystery that was kept hidden from before the foundation of the world is revealed, and everything about the way God was viewed, the entire way God was understood and perceived was going to change.  

Jesus is the final and full revelation to the world of who God is and in him we discover that God is not the wrathful God of the law (Romans 4:15) but the God of mercy, grace and forgiveness; not for those who have earned or deserved that mercy, but for all who call upon his name (Romans 10:13) because there is not one who is ever able to earn or deserve that mercy; it is a free gift. (Eph. 2:8)

Repentance in the Old Testament was primarily about sorrow and shame for the endless failed attempts to earn righteousness through obedience. Repentance in the New Testament is about joyfully discovering that God is not mad at us after all, if we have accepted the gift of his son; in fact, he is well-pleased with us, because, through Jesus’ sacrifice on our behalf, we are God’s  children, standing before him without condemnation.  (Romans 8:1)

If, today, you are still living in fear of God’s call to repentance; if you look at your life and all you see is failed attempt after failed attempt to do the right thing; if you think that you will never be able to please God; rejoice! God is calling you to change the way you have always looked at him and to rest in his love for you, his forgiveness of your sins and his power to transform your life by the renewing of your mind. (Romans 12:2).

Treasures of Egypt

“…the Israelites started wailing and said, ‘If only we had meat to eat!  We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost—also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic.  But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna!’”  --Numbers 11:4-6

 I had been plagued with this strange feeling of longing and sadness for awhile.  It would strike me at the oddest times.  For example, I would be watching television and a car commercial would come on.  While I watched the passing scenery as the car drove down the road, the feeling would wash over me.  It had nothing to do with a desire to own a new car. I’ve never cared much about what I drive.  If it starts and goes, it’s ok with me.  I couldn’t explain this feeling, even to myself.  Or, during a meal in a restaurant, I might glance across the room and see a family sitting at a nearby table and I would get an intense emotional pang.

                I tried to analyze the feeling.  It was a yearning for something that I just couldn’t put my finger on.  An advertisement for some vacation getaway could trigger it; or a sunny day with birds singing.  As time passed and the feelings continued to strike me, I considered that I might be depressed, but that didn’t really ring true.  It happened frequently enough, though, that I even pondered the idea of some hormonal imbalance.           

I began praying for insight and one day I realized that the feeling seemed to be nostalgia more than anything else.   I thought maybe it was empty nest syndrome, but even though my children were grown and out of the house, I was in touch with each one of them frequently and they had been gone for awhile by then.  If it was nostalgia, what was I nostalgic for?

I thought back over my life to see if there was any particular time period that I yearned to return to, but, to be honest, there wasn’t. There had been many treasured moments, but as far as a stage I might want to live over again, not a one.  I couldn’t even say it was a longing for my lost youth.  I was in good health and really didn’t feel much different than I had when I was twenty or even thirty years younger.

I seemed to be suffering from generalized nostalgia with no particular object.  Then, slowly, tiny revelation by tiny revelation, God began to show me what it was.  It was nostalgia for all of the things I had expected from the world and had never received; all of the illusory promises of this life that were never quite as I had dreamed or hoped they would be; Nostalgia for what was supposed to be and never was.  Yet, how could someone be nostalgic for something that never was?

In the scripture above, the Israelites were nostalgic.  On their journey from Egypt to the Promised Land God had provided for their every need, including what scripture refers to as the grain of heaven – manna.  Manna wasn’t earthly food.  It didn’t grow in the ground or on a tree or bush.  It was food that God created and gave to them daily. It was a thin white wafer that looked like coriander seed and tasted like wafers made with honey and olive oil.  Imagine, heavenly food prepared by God himself!

But, after awhile, the Israelites got tired of what God was giving them; they grew tired of the hardships of the journey, and they became nostalgic.  They fondly remembered sitting around eating all they wanted of the free pots of meat or fish cooked with leeks, onions and garlic, with sides of cucumbers and melons; somehow forgetting that they had been slaves doing forced labor during that time!  They were nostalgic for what had never been and convinced themselves that the pleasures of Egypt were better than what God was providing for them on the journey to the Promised Land, and would gladly have gone back if they had been given the chance.

If I was offered the opportunity to go back in time and have all of my earthly dreams fulfilled versus eating God’s provision of daily bread and water for my journey to the Promised Land – bread that  sometimes includes the “bread of adversity” and water that is sometimes the “water of affliction” (Isaiah 30:20)—would I go? I would like to think I would decline.  But there is no such offer, because the promises of this world are illusions. Even the earthly dreams that are fulfilled leave us unsatisfied; empty. The pleasures of this world are meant primarily for the enjoyment of the people who belong to this world.

I still experience those pangs from time to time, but I recognize them now for what they are – yearnings for what never was and can never be in this world; yearnings that are meant to point me to the Land of Promise where the deepest longings of our hearts will be fulfilled in a manner that is beyond our imagination.  My aim is to be like Moses who, “…chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin.  He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward.” (Hebrews 11:25-26)

God's Question

I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." --Psalm 91:2



"Will you trust me with your children?" God may as well have spoken those words out loud to me I heard them so clearly. I was in the middle of a study of the Book of Jeremiah. In that book the Lord has a lot to say about listening to him and trusting him, no matter how dark the future may appear, because he is in control of everything.  My mind had turned, as it so often did, to my children and their futures. I had all kinds of hopes and dreams for them, but there was nothing I wanted more than that relationship with God which would carry them through whatever life might throw at them. Then I heard that question, and my first response was a fearful, "Why are you asking?"

Over the years I have come to the conclusion that, in the deepest, darkest recesses of everyone's heart there lurks the suspicion that God is actually mean. It was the serpent's first line of attack in the Garden when he told Eve that Mean Old God didn't want her to eat from that tree because he knew it would make her become like Him. That lie seems to have become a part of our human nature ever since Eve took that bite. It's almost like we are just waiting for God to do something to us so we can say, "Aha! I knew it all along."

That was the suspicion I felt as I heard that question.  I knew I was supposed to say, "Yes, Lord, of course I will trust you with my children", but what if he was asking me that because something terrible was about to happen to one or all of them? I struggled as I sat there with the question hanging in the air. It may sound silly, but I sobbed as I finally said yes.

Life went on as usual and I began to think maybe I had made too much out of  things. Then, one Sunday,  I had just finished ministering on a women's weekend about an hour and a half from my home and my husband had driven up in the evening with our two daughters, ages 16 and 13, for the closing service. The plan was for my oldest daughter, who had just gotten her license, to drive my husband's car home, following right behind us, so that my husband and I would have time together to share about the weekend. The key words in that sentence were following right behind us. My daughter had never driven more than a few miles from our home and certainly was not adept at navigating the major interstates that we had to travel to get back home. This was in the dark ages before GPS or even cell phones! In retrospect it was a dumb plan, but hindsight, as they say, is 20/20.

We had to merge into the right hand lane to get onto the first highway and we got separated by a couple of other cars who were also getting over.  I thought I saw her get into the lane, but in the darkness it was hard to tell and just as I was rolling down the exit ramp, I saw her whiz by, heading to parts unknown! There were cars behind me on the ramp and I had committed to the exit by then. There was nothing I could do but continue down the ramp onto the highway.  I can tell you it was the most helpless feeling in the world.  I had no way to get back to her until I came to the first exit and turned around. By then, I had no idea how I would ever be able to find her. I couldn't call her. I had no way of predicting what she would do. I pictured her getting hysterical and terrifying her younger sister. Then I began to imagine all of the horrible things that might happen to them, from accidents to their stopping to ask for help from some deranged maniac.

Even my husband wasn't sure what the best plan of action was.  We thought about finding the nearest police station and enlisting their help, but we weren't even sure where the police station was and it felt like we were wasting time.  Of course I began praying with all my heart and soul, and suddenly God's question came into my mind again. I had told him I would trust him with my children and if there was ever a time for that, this was it.  I felt a peace come over me and told my husband that we were just going to drive home.  I wasn't sure what I was going to do when I got there, but I just released that to God and kept driving. As I write this, I can actually feel how every nerve in my body strained as I peered through the darkness when we finally turned onto our street, and then I saw her car in the driveway. She had actually beaten us home!

I was so grateful and relieved! I immediately called some of my friends who had been with me on the women's weekend and told them the story of God's question and how it had come to my mind when my girls were lost and how I had been given peace and the ability to trust Him, and how they had actually gotten home before I did.  I decided this must have been the reason God had asked me to trust him, and I was thrilled that, with his help, I had passed the test.

Then, a short time later, my son got appendicitis and had to have emergency surgery in the middle of the night. As I sat in the darkened waiting room, I remembered the question again and wondered if this was why God had asked. When the doctor came out and said everything had gone well I was relieved on several levels. Of course I was grateful that my son would be ok, but I also thought that maybe my trial by fire was over and I could relax now.

Then my husband got sick; first a heart attack and then the cancer diagnosis. Each of my children responded to the circumstances in their own way and God's question came to my mind many times during that period.

It took awhile, but somewhere along the way it occurred to me that God's question wasn't meant to prepare me for some single test or incident, it was meant to teach me a way of life.  For most of us mothers, and fathers too, there is nothing we feel more posessive and protective of than our children; It's a God-given instinct. But even that instinct must be surrendered to God.

Over the years that question has helped to bring my focus back to where it needed to be during many trying situations including teenage rebellions, particularly my son's; my youngest daughter's serious car accident and subsequent recovery; various difficult relationships they all went through. As those of you who are parents of grown children have learned, there never seems to come a time when that protective instinct switches off.  But, while I as a parent would  never choose to see my children suffer, life will bring them suffering, and it is a sad fact that God often reaches and teaches us best during those trials. God will not spare my children life's struggles, nor should he. I am just grateful he asked me that question so long ago, and taught me to say yes.

The Ride

Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God, you who have done great things. Who, O God, is like you? Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter,
you will restore my life again….Psalm 71:19-20

     “What if I was on a plane with someone, and it was their time to die?” My boss posed this question one day, half-joking, half-serious. “I don’t think it’s fair that, just because it’s his time, everyone on the plane would have to die.”

     That question reminded me of an old commercial. There was a family on a roller coaster, looking totally frazzled, and when the car arrived back in the unloading zone they were desperately trying to scramble out, but the bar wouldn’t come up and the car began to move forward for another ride. The looks on the faces of the frantic family were wild with panic.

      I remember that commercial, not because of the product it was advertising, but because, at the time it was airing, I completely identified with that family. I felt like my family was trapped on a never-ending roller coaster ride due to someone else’s choices and actions. I was full of self-pity and resentment. I did not want to be on that ride. I thought my children and I did not deserve to be on that ride and I wanted to get off!

     You might be wondering what the question about the plane has to do with that commercial. In both scenarios there is the idea of innocent bystanders being caught up in someone else’s chaos and having to suffer the consequences. That concept strikes us all as a gross injustice.

     But, the truth God has taught me is, if you are on the ride, it is your ride. You cannot be taken on someone else’s ride. You may be riding with others, but each one of you belongs there.

     Would you like to see some scripture I found which backs that up? Proverbs 20:24 says, “A person’s steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand their own way?” Jeremiah 10:23 states, “Lord, I know that people’s lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps.” Proverbs 19:21 says, “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” There are many other verses but, bottom line, God made it plain to me that wherever I found myself, no matter how it appeared I had gotten there, He had directed my steps to that place and desired to reveal himself to me there.

     He showed me that the problem with considering myself to be an innocent bystander was that it allowed me to stand by, placing the blame for my circumstances on someone else. It kept me in a place of bitterness and excused me from asking the important question, what is God trying to show me, to teach me?

     As I embrace this truth, I am learning that I was never trapped; that blame is pointless and that I can trust the God who is in control of my ride, and any who journey with me.

The God Box

Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you. --1 Peter 5:7

I am a worrier by nature.  Both of my daughters frequently thank me, with sarcasm, for passing on that trait to them.  I tend to work myself up into a frenzy by imagining the very worst possible scenarios and then try to calm myself by figuring out how I will handle them if they happen.

 Years ago I attended a weekly support group.  Inevitably, when one of the group members shared that he or she was worrying about something, someone in the group would speak up and say, “Put it in your God Box.” I had never heard of a God Box before, but I deduced that this was just a way of telling the person to stop worrying and trust in God.  As time went on, however, I began to realize that the people in the group were speaking of a literal box.  The idea was to get a box, like a shoe box, and create your own personal “God Box”, as plain or as fancy as you desired; then, you were to take a piece of paper and write whatever was bothering you on the paper.  If you had more than one thing troubling you, you were to write each issue as specifically as possible on a separate piece of paper and deposit it in the box.  This represented letting go of your vain efforts to control whatever was worrying you and releasing the problem to the control of the One who actually had the power to do something about your situation.  Then, whenever you found yourself starting to worry about one of the problems you had placed in the box, you were to stop immediately and remind yourself that it was in the God Box and it belonged to Him now and you could not touch it. I agreed with the notion of surrendering troubles to God but I admit I thought the literal box idea was silly and unnecessary.

I decided that I would practice my own mental form of the God Box.  I was certain it would work just as well. I simply pictured myself putting the thing that was troubling me into an imaginary box. If I was fretting over finances, I put it in the imaginary box.  When I was troubled by a relationship, I conjured up the image of dropping that worry into the box in my mind.  I felt smugly superior to those who felt the need to have a literal prop.  And it worked, for maybe the first hour. Then I was back to worrying as obsessively as ever.

Pride kept me resistant for quite awhile. But one day, when I felt the world was falling apart around me, I decided it might be worth a try.  Since I still wasn’t totally on board, I searched for the smallest box I could find and came up with a ring box.  Then I cut tiny strips of paper and in my smallest writing I wrote my worries on them, folded them, dropped them in the tiny box, snapped it shut and hid it in my nightstand. 

An hour or so passed and I found myself thinking about one of my problems. Suddenly, I remembered placing that piece of paper in the ring box – the GOD box – and I firmly reminded myself that the problem was no longer mine, it was his, and I couldn’t touch it.  Then an amazing thing happened. I suddenly felt a tremendous sense of relief! I truly felt that I had given that problem to God in some kind of a binding way; that the issue was his to handle now, not mine.  I was flooded with a peace I hadn’t experienced in quite awhile. God had everything in his capable hands, I could relax.

I can’t say I was perfect after that, and never worried again. There were many times, especially when things weren’t going the way I wanted, that I would struggle, but at those times the God Box served another purpose.  I would open the ring box (yes, I kept that box as a reminder of how arrogant I had been) and pull out some of the older slips of paper and read them.  Time and again I would be reminded of how faithfully God had dealt with each one of those issues and my trust in his love and power would be restored.

At the start of this New Year, if you struggle with worry like I do, I encourage you to create your own God Box.  Let me know how it works for you.