God's Question

I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." --Psalm 91:2



"Will you trust me with your children?" God may as well have spoken those words out loud to me I heard them so clearly. I was in the middle of a study of the Book of Jeremiah. In that book the Lord has a lot to say about listening to him and trusting him, no matter how dark the future may appear, because he is in control of everything.  My mind had turned, as it so often did, to my children and their futures. I had all kinds of hopes and dreams for them, but there was nothing I wanted more than that relationship with God which would carry them through whatever life might throw at them. Then I heard that question, and my first response was a fearful, "Why are you asking?"

Over the years I have come to the conclusion that, in the deepest, darkest recesses of everyone's heart there lurks the suspicion that God is actually mean. It was the serpent's first line of attack in the Garden when he told Eve that Mean Old God didn't want her to eat from that tree because he knew it would make her become like Him. That lie seems to have become a part of our human nature ever since Eve took that bite. It's almost like we are just waiting for God to do something to us so we can say, "Aha! I knew it all along."

That was the suspicion I felt as I heard that question.  I knew I was supposed to say, "Yes, Lord, of course I will trust you with my children", but what if he was asking me that because something terrible was about to happen to one or all of them? I struggled as I sat there with the question hanging in the air. It may sound silly, but I sobbed as I finally said yes.

Life went on as usual and I began to think maybe I had made too much out of  things. Then, one Sunday,  I had just finished ministering on a women's weekend about an hour and a half from my home and my husband had driven up in the evening with our two daughters, ages 16 and 13, for the closing service. The plan was for my oldest daughter, who had just gotten her license, to drive my husband's car home, following right behind us, so that my husband and I would have time together to share about the weekend. The key words in that sentence were following right behind us. My daughter had never driven more than a few miles from our home and certainly was not adept at navigating the major interstates that we had to travel to get back home. This was in the dark ages before GPS or even cell phones! In retrospect it was a dumb plan, but hindsight, as they say, is 20/20.

We had to merge into the right hand lane to get onto the first highway and we got separated by a couple of other cars who were also getting over.  I thought I saw her get into the lane, but in the darkness it was hard to tell and just as I was rolling down the exit ramp, I saw her whiz by, heading to parts unknown! There were cars behind me on the ramp and I had committed to the exit by then. There was nothing I could do but continue down the ramp onto the highway.  I can tell you it was the most helpless feeling in the world.  I had no way to get back to her until I came to the first exit and turned around. By then, I had no idea how I would ever be able to find her. I couldn't call her. I had no way of predicting what she would do. I pictured her getting hysterical and terrifying her younger sister. Then I began to imagine all of the horrible things that might happen to them, from accidents to their stopping to ask for help from some deranged maniac.

Even my husband wasn't sure what the best plan of action was.  We thought about finding the nearest police station and enlisting their help, but we weren't even sure where the police station was and it felt like we were wasting time.  Of course I began praying with all my heart and soul, and suddenly God's question came into my mind again. I had told him I would trust him with my children and if there was ever a time for that, this was it.  I felt a peace come over me and told my husband that we were just going to drive home.  I wasn't sure what I was going to do when I got there, but I just released that to God and kept driving. As I write this, I can actually feel how every nerve in my body strained as I peered through the darkness when we finally turned onto our street, and then I saw her car in the driveway. She had actually beaten us home!

I was so grateful and relieved! I immediately called some of my friends who had been with me on the women's weekend and told them the story of God's question and how it had come to my mind when my girls were lost and how I had been given peace and the ability to trust Him, and how they had actually gotten home before I did.  I decided this must have been the reason God had asked me to trust him, and I was thrilled that, with his help, I had passed the test.

Then, a short time later, my son got appendicitis and had to have emergency surgery in the middle of the night. As I sat in the darkened waiting room, I remembered the question again and wondered if this was why God had asked. When the doctor came out and said everything had gone well I was relieved on several levels. Of course I was grateful that my son would be ok, but I also thought that maybe my trial by fire was over and I could relax now.

Then my husband got sick; first a heart attack and then the cancer diagnosis. Each of my children responded to the circumstances in their own way and God's question came to my mind many times during that period.

It took awhile, but somewhere along the way it occurred to me that God's question wasn't meant to prepare me for some single test or incident, it was meant to teach me a way of life.  For most of us mothers, and fathers too, there is nothing we feel more posessive and protective of than our children; It's a God-given instinct. But even that instinct must be surrendered to God.

Over the years that question has helped to bring my focus back to where it needed to be during many trying situations including teenage rebellions, particularly my son's; my youngest daughter's serious car accident and subsequent recovery; various difficult relationships they all went through. As those of you who are parents of grown children have learned, there never seems to come a time when that protective instinct switches off.  But, while I as a parent would  never choose to see my children suffer, life will bring them suffering, and it is a sad fact that God often reaches and teaches us best during those trials. God will not spare my children life's struggles, nor should he. I am just grateful he asked me that question so long ago, and taught me to say yes.