Nobody's Perfect, Especially Me

            I have never cared much for perfectionists. You know the type I mean – the ones whose houses are immaculate, not a speck of dust or dirt anywhere; the Type A overachievers who are involved in, and probably leading, everything…perfectly.  People like that make me nervous. Self conscious.  I’m pretty much a slob. I avoid perfectionists whenever possible.

            Imagine my shock then, when somewhere in the middle of my life I became aware that I too am a perfectionist! Not in the classical sense, but a perfectionist, nonetheless. I constantly measure myself against the perfect standard and find myself wanting. I see my inadequacies and feel ashamed. I try to avoid exposing my imperfections and often live in fear of being discovered as the mess I really am.

            Modern psychology would say that I suffer from low self esteem, sometimes referred to as an inferiority complex. The solution, then, would be to learn to accept myself, to embrace who I am and to value myself as a beautiful and unique person. 

            I see things a bit differently. I now try to recognize every pang of inadequacy as a reminder of the standard of perfection I am incapable of reaching. I view it as a gentle nudge from God telling me that I can stop the struggle and rest in Him. I am beginning to understand that chasing after self esteem is a dead end, a tool for those who haven’t discovered the blessed relief which is only found in God esteem. When I accepted Jesus’ righteousness in place of my own, God esteemed me as perfect. I am perfect in God’s sight. No other opinion really matters. When I remember that, I can relax and let go of the shame and fear of exposure. Then I can gratefully allow God to work in me, creating the masterpiece he wants to make of me – not by my vain efforts to be good enough, but by his transforming love.

UNASHAMED

You examine your humanity

Under a microscope

And feel ashamed.

Your tender conscience

Cannot bear

The imperfections

You find there

And so you hide

Like the first man

After the fall,

Afraid of exposing

Your nakedness

To all.

Yet all are naked...

Most unaware.

Sometimes you envy the freedom

They find there,

To walk unclothed and

Without shame...

To live without accepting blame.

Yet

This conscience is a gift of God

To draw you to the cross

Where Jesus nailed your humanity

And gave you his divinity

Which covers all.

Now you can walk in freedom

Unashamed

Wearing Jesus' robe

And bearing Jesus' name.