Saturday, March 15, 2014

Why Did You Doubt?



 “While they were eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, “Take and eat; this is my body.”  Matthew 26:26


 A snippet of a sermon I was listening to the other day referenced the story of Peter walking on the water, which led to my deciding to write a blog about that story.  We have all heard it so many times, but I thought I could give it a different slant by telling the story first from the angle of Action/Consequence and then retelling it from the viewpoint of Death/Resurrection.  Simple.

The Action/Consequence story, being the “This is what you do; this is what you should do instead” version, goes like this:  Jesus told Peter to get out of the boat.  Peter obeyed and was able to walk on the water until he took his eyes off of Jesus and immediately began to sink.  Jesus, then, had to rescue Peter and rebuked him for having such little faith, asking him why he doubted.  The moral of the story is, when you keep your eyes on Jesus, you can do anything.  Don’t take your eyes off of Jesus.  Don’t doubt.  Have faith and everything will be all right.

Easy enough.  I could do that without even looking it up!

However, to prepare for the Death/Resurrection version, I turned to Scripture.  Even though the story of Jesus walking on the water is told in Matthew, Mark and John, only Matthew includes Peter in the story.  This immediately struck me as odd.  Most Bible scholars agree that the book of Mark is actually Peter’s version of Jesus’ life.  Why would Peter leave himself out of the account?  I tucked that question away.

I wanted to look at the context of the story and I had to go back a ways to find it.  The story actually began with Jesus sending the twelve disciples out two by two, giving them authority over evil spirits.  Mark 6:12-13 says, “They went out and preached that people should repent.  They drove out many demons and anointed many sick people with oil and healed them.”  What heady stuff that must have been for this band of unknown tax collectors, fishermen, etc. who had no formal rabbinical training!  When they returned from their journey they got back together and sat down with Jesus to tell him all about what had happened.  Mark, chapter 6 verse 30 says, “Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, ‘Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.’”

Matthew Chapter 14:13 tells us that Jesus had just heard about the death of John the Baptist and he, too,  wanted some time alone.  Have you ever been physically and emotionally depleted and simply needed a quiet place to regroup and recover your equilibrium?  It doesn’t matter whether it is from a good situation, like a successful ministry trip, or a bad situation, where you have received word that a loved one has died tragically; sometimes you just need to spend some time with God, apart from the demands of your life, to re-center.  So, Jesus and the disciples took a boat to a “solitary place” to do just that.

The problem was, word about the secret location leaked out, and by the time they arrived, a crowd had already gathered to meet them.  There was no solitude and no time for rest!  Matthew 14:14 says, When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick.”  Mark 6:34 says, “…he had compassion on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd.” 

So, Jesus healed, taught and ministered to them until it was late in the day, but then a problem arose.  This was not a location in the heart of a city; this was a remote, solitary place.  There were no merchants nearby selling fast food.  A discussion ensued between Jesus and the disciples about how to deal with this matter.  The people needed to eat.  The disciples suggested Jesus send the people away at that point so they could go find something. In Mark 6:37, Jesus offered another suggestion, “You give them something to eat.”

The disciples were appalled.  I’m sure they imagined the whole unlikely process of trekking off to find some place to buy enough food for five thousand men, not to mention the women and children; then handing over eight months wages to pay for all of it, and finally, somehow managing to haul it all back to the remote location in a timely manner, to feed the restless, hungry mob approximately one bite each (John 6:7).

Jesus then asked them how much food they could find in the crowd itself.  Andrew reported that a child had five small barley loaves and 2 fish, and insightfully asked the obvious, “…but how far will they go among so many?” (John 6:9)

Undaunted, Jesus calmly directed the disciples to seat the people in orderly groups, then he simply looked up to heaven, gave thanks and started breaking up the loaves and passing around the food.  As we know, not only was there plenty to eat, but Jesus directed that the leftovers be picked up afterward so that nothing would be wasted, and twelve baskets full of bread and fish were collected.

Matthew’s account in chapter 14 verse 22 then says, “Immediately, Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd.”  Mark says almost the exact thing in chapter 6:45.  There was no transition.  Jesus fed the crowd, collected the remains, and immediately made the disciples leave.  The Greek word translated “made” is “Anankazo” and it implies compelling by force or external violence.  In no uncertain terms, Jesus insisted that the disciples leave right then.  There was no room for argument!

John gives us a glimpse into the reason Jesus was so adamant the disciples had to be separated from the crowd immediately.  Chapter 6 verse 15 says, “Jesus, knowing that they (the people) intended to come and make him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by himself.”  Jesus was well aware that the disciples, still high on the success of their missionary journey and now having witnessed this miraculous event, were quite likely to agree with the crowd and join them in their quest to make Jesus their new king, by force if necessary; so, he initiated a type of force himself, and made the disciples get into the boat and go.  Jesus remained behind to disperse the crowd, and then to finally spend that alone time with God for which he had come in the first place.

The disciples, on the other hand, were about to spend some alone time they had not anticipated. All of the accounts in scripture say it was about evening when the disciples set out.  The winds were strong and the disciples strained at the oars because they were rowing against the wind.  The waves buffeted the boat.  Progress was slow and made with great effort.  Scripture seems to indicate that Jesus was aware of their circumstances throughout the night.  Mark says Jesus saw them.  Whether he could physically see them from the mountainside where he had gone to pray, or whether this was divine sight, we don’t know, but either way, he knew exactly where they were, because in the “fourth watch of the night”, which is about three to six in the morning, typically the darkest part of the night, Jesus finally determined it was time to come to them.

Imagine for a moment that you are one of the disciples in the boat.  It is dark, and you have been struggling and straining for hours to row against the fierce winds, making very little headway.  You were already very tired before the day began, and now you have reached the point of utter exhaustion and you are still far from your destination.  Then, you look across the waters and see something coming toward you, but you can’t quite make it out.  It’s not another boat.  You squint and peer through the darkness and spray of the waves.  Suddenly you realize this thing appears to be a person, but your mind tells you that no person could be walking on top of the water.  Logic then tells you that, if it appears to be a human form, but it is approaching on top of the water, it must be a spirit, or ghost.  You’ve never seen a ghost before, but within the framework of your circumstances and your physical and mental state, this is the only conclusion you can draw.  Your response to that conclusion is abject terror.

Have you ever experienced abject terror; where your mind sort of disconnects from your body and you become paralyzed?  It was right at that point Jesus spoke to them and said, “Take courage! It is I.  Don’t be afraid.”

The disciples recognized Jesus’ voice. John’s account said that once they heard him they were willing to take him into the boat; in other words, once they knew it was Jesus and not a ghost, they decided it was safe to bring him aboard. But in Matthew’s version, as soon as they heard Jesus’ voice telling them not to be afraid, Peter shouted out, “Lord, if it’s you, tell me to come to you on the water.”

And Jesus said simply, “Come.”

I can’t say with any authority what Peter’s motivation was.  It seems safe to assume he didn’t have much doubt that it was Jesus because once the invitation was issued he climbed right out of the boat.  My suspicion is that Peter’s adrenaline was still pumping after the ghost fright; and Peter, always ready to act or speak first and think later, felt a need to do something with all that fight-or-flight energy and walking on water seemed to be just the thing!  Jesus was willing to go along. 

Because I’d read this story of walking on the water so many times, the idea had lost some of its awe for me; but, years ago I read Richard Bach’s book, Illusions, and in it there is a scene where the messiah figure swims in the earth.  The land maintained its solid earthiness, but he was able to breast-stroke, back float, etc., in the ground.  That passage opened up the wonder of this scene for me again. 

Peter, however, didn’t need anything to stimulate his sense of wonder! I can almost feel his amazement and exhilaration as he walked toward Jesus.  He must have thought, “I’m actually walking on water!” Then, the adrenaline began to wane and reality set in.  “Wait! I’m actually doing what? I can’t walk on water!”  I imagine it as someone waking up from sleep-walking.  Suddenly the same fierce wind he had been battling when he was in the boat was much more real than this crazy idea that he could walk on water.   He became terrified once more, and right away he began to sink.  Fortunately, he knew where to turn for help, and cried out, “Lord, save me!”  And, of course, Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him.

As Action/Consequence oriented beings, we cannot initially read the words which Jesus says next without hearing them in the context of a rebuke. We just can’t.  “You of little faith,” Jesus said, “why did you doubt?”  But, it occurs to me that there is another way of reading these words: as a simple description and a genuine question for Peter to ponder.  In my last blog, Connect the Dots, I talked about the fact that the disciples were only able to view the events during their time with Jesus through the lens of Action/Consequence until after the gift of the Holy Spirit was given to them at Pentecost.  Because of that, I imagine Peter, too, was only able to hear those words as a rebuke when they were spoken to him; but Jesus knew a time would come when Peter would be able to hear them from a different perspective.

In every version, when Jesus climbed into the boat the wind instantly died down and the disciples were once more astounded at his power. They worshipped him, and declared that he was “Truly the Son of God.” In Mark, which I mentioned earlier is thought to be primarily Peter’s own account of Jesus’ ministry, we don’t know why Peter left himself out of the story (maybe embarrassment, maybe humility?) but he includes an insight at the end of his version that holds the key to answering the question Jesus asked him; an insight he could only have come to after the Holy Spirit opened his eyes to the Death/Resurrection perspective. Through Mark he says, “They were completely amazed, for they had not understood about the loaves, their hearts were hardened.”  The key, then, is understanding the true meaning of the loaves.

John, who loves to focus more on the inner meaning of the events than the events themselves, sheds some light on the cryptic comment in Mark.  He picks up the story the day after the feeding of the five thousand and the water walking incident.  The crowd had discovered that Jesus had somehow slipped away and they scouted him out once again.  “Rabbi,” they asked, “when did you get here?”

Jesus, who was already wise to their desire to make him king, didn’t play along with them.  “I tell you the truth,” he answered, “you are looking for me not because you saw miraculous signs but because you ate the loaves and had your fill.”

The word for “miraculous signs” in the Greek is “Semeion”.  It is a word that conveys the idea of a true miracle, which is primarily about the grace and power of the Doer; not about the miracle itself.  In other words, Jesus knew the people weren’t looking for him because they acknowledged the grace and power of God and had grasped the meaning behind what he had done; they were looking for him because they were excited about what he was capable of doing for them.  Their hearts and the hearts of the disciples were hardened, in the same way that all of our hearts are innately hardened--on our own, we are only capable of understanding through the filter of Action/Consequence, and through that filter everything is ultimately about us and what we can get for ourselves.

The disciples were thrilled to be followers of someone who could give them power over demons and the ability to heal the sick.  The crowd was ecstatic at the thought of having a king who had the power to feed them or give them whatever they wanted.  Peter was excited about having a master and friend who made it possible for him to do something as amazing as walking on water.  Then the disciples were awed at the prospect of knowing they had access to one who could rescue them from every danger.  They saw unlimited potential for Jesus as King, for themselves as his trusted friends and for the nation of Israel. The future was bright!

But the real meaning of the loaves was missed completely, and Jesus began to tell them that meaning.  “I am the bread of life” he said.  “Your forefathers ate the manna in the desert, yet they died.  But here is the bread that comes down from heaven, which a man may eat and not die.  I am the living bread that came down from heaven.  If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever.  This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.”

The meaning of the loaves was not that Jesus can give us everything we think we need.  The true meaning of the loaves is that Jesus himself is the all-sufficient provision for everything we need.  Everything we need we already possess in Jesus.  Our hope is not found in how Jesus can provide for our temporal needs or even what he can enable us to do, but in what he has already done for us.

Why did Peter have so little faith? Because his faith was focused on what Jesus was allowing him to do. Why did he doubt? Because when we focus on ourselves and how we are doing, we will always see our inadequacies, the reality of the wind will always overwhelm us, we will always be afraid and we will always sink.  And when we sink, we will do what he has wanted all along—cry out, “Lord, save me!”  And he will immediately reach out his hand and catch us. Every time.

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