My Way or the Highway

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. –Romans 14:19

               

                Expectations are set ups for disappointment any time of the year, but the time period beginning with Thanksgiving and ending with Christmas is a mine field of feelings waiting to be stepped on.  No other days in the calendar year are so fraught with family tradition and nostalgia. Each of us has a desire to recreate what was or to create what we always wanted and never had. Certain foods, certain days to do certain things at specific times with specific people – these things suddenly are of paramount importance. Normally complacent people become adamantly insistent on having their way.  Compromise is seen as defeat. Relationships are strained, friendships are threatened.  People entrench themselves in their positions and refuse to budge. What should be a joyous time of year becomes a battle zone.

            Why can’t we all just get along? It’s a valid question. It is so perverse to demand our own way at the expense of everyone’s happiness, including our own, yet we do it. Why? Sure, we have experiences which were meaningful to us that we wish to pass down.  We want to share the things that gave us pleasure with our loved ones. We have only noble goals.  But those goals are ruined at the root by selfishness.  This selfishness says the other person is the unreasonable one. This selfishness says that person is ruining my holiday. This selfishness says, “Why do I always have to give in?” This selfishness draws the line in the sand and says,” I will not be moved even if everyone is miserable as a result.”

            So, what is the answer?  Do you just give in and become the righteous martyr? Well, not exactly.  First of all, you recognize that you are not righteous, by any stretch of the imagination. Then, you remember who is, and you run to him and tell him what is going on and how you are feeling about it (because he loves you and is not going to stand there with his arms crossed and foot tapping with a disapproving look on his face!) Then, after you have poured it all out, you ask him to show you what to do and how to do it, graciously and with a loving heart. And he will.

            Have a grace-filled Christmas season!