Good News Revisited

[Before you read this - If you have not yet read my blog entitled Good News, please read that first. This is the sequel]

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. –John 8:36

Once upon a time, a little later than the first time, there was a man who had been a prisoner.  He had been freed by a philanthropist, and while I could retell the whole story, I think I’ll just continue on from here….

            The minute the man stepped off the prison grounds he was surrounded by a crowd of reporters who shouted, “How do you feel about being freed and acclaimed as our most outstanding citizen?” 

            The criminal was taken aback at first, but recovering quickly he responded, “Amazed and grateful!  No one could be more undeserving than I am, but I stand before you a changed man!  I swear to you, from this moment on I intend to live my life in a way that will demonstrate just how thankful and indebted I am to this man who has given me a new chance at life!  Somehow I will find a way to repay him!”  And, with the reporters still clamoring for more, he turned and walked with resolve into that new life.

            With his new found public image came many invitations to make appearances at

 Community functions.  He was interviewed incessantly, and repeated his initial heart-felt promise so many times that it became almost a meaningless mantra.  He founded, coordinated, publicized, oversaw and administered so many charities that he began to lose track.  And through it all, the force behind all this driven behavior was his belief that somehow he needed to do something to deserve the remarkable gift he had been given.

            To his credit, he lasted a year before he burned out.

            On the day he was to be named the Association of Charitable Foundations’ Man of the Year, he woke up and said to himself, “I quit!”  And after the initial adrenaline rush that generally accompanies defiance, he turned off the alarm, the cordless phone, and the cell phone and went back to sleep. 

            Of course, when he awoke and realized what he had done, remorse set in.  His original concern was how he would ever face people and explain why he had missed his own award presentation. But, deeper than that was the guilt and disappointment he felt in himself for betraying what he had seen as a sacred trust.  He had let the philanthropist down. 

            And yet, at the same time he was experiencing these feelings of shame, he also felt rather justified in what he thought of as his rebellion. After all, he had given an entire year of diligent service to mankind.  Surely he had a right to his own life.  He had taken no time for pleasure.  It was his turn!

            And so, forcing his first emotions into the background, he began to take his turn. He resigned from the boards of all his charitable organizations. He turned a deaf ear to all new pleas for his help.  He brushed off reporters with only a “No comment,” when they asked for an explanation. And whenever a nagging feeling of guilt would rise up he would smother it with a litany of self-justification.

            The only store he had to draw from for pleasure-seeking was the life he had lived before he went to prison.  It took awhile to locate some of his old friends and to convince them that he was serious about getting together for old times’ sake, but once he broke the ice it was almost as if he had never been away.  Soon he was back into the full swing of the party scene.  Sometimes though, usually when he was drunk and not as in control of his emotions as he tried to be when sober, he would think about the philanthropist and remember what had been done for him. A wave of guilt would threaten to engulf him, but his solution was to keep drinking and drown those thoughts. That worked for awhile.

            Then, one sleepless night, he came to the sudden realization that he was as surely in prison now as he had been when he was back in his cell on death row.  He looked at the life he was living, this life that had been given to him as a gift from the philanthropist, and he was overcome with self-loathing and disgust.  Yet, he saw nowhere to go.  The people he had worked with when he was first released from prison viewed him with nothing but scorn and had long ago crossed him off their lists.  The only friends he had now were his party pals, and he knew they would never understand him if he tried to talk to them about what he was feeling about his empty, selfish life. He was trapped and in despair.  He couldn’t go forward and he couldn’t go back.  Thoughts of suicide entered his mind.  He had wanted to be worthy of the gift he had been given, but he was unable to keep up the pace.  He had wanted to pursue what he thought of as pleasure, but found it shallow and empty.  He tossed and turned through the endless night.

            When morning came a letter arrived.  It was simply there in his mail box, addressed in unfamiliar handwriting, but bearing his name.  He opened it.  It was from the philanthropist.

He read:

“My Friend, My Brother,

            I wrote this letter to you before my death and left explicit instructions for it to be delivered to you at this time.  You see, I knew you would reach this point in your life sooner or later. 

            When you were first released you were humbled and grateful and had a sincere desire to prove yourself worthy of the gift I gave you.  That was an honorable desire, but the fact of the matter is, you were not deserving of the gift when I gave it to you, and you could never do enough to deserve it. I gave it to you freely, not asking anything in return.  If you had never done one thing I would still have taken your place.  This gift of life is yours to use as you wish.  Obviously I have already paid your debt.  When I set you free I set you completely free.

            You, however put yourself back into prison.  First you were imprisoned by the obligation you set for yourself to repay me.  If someone pays the giver for the gift it is no longer a gift. I never asked for or desired payment from you, because no matter what you paid it could never be enough.  This led to resentment of what you now saw as an overwhelming debt.  Instead of being grateful for the free gift of life, all you could see were endless years of selfless acts stretching out before you.  My gift became a burden.  The next obvious step was rebellion.

            Having made a break from the first prison, you ran headlong into the second one.  You set out on a course of self-destruction billed as Pleasure and Freedom. To assert your liberation from your self-imposed debt of continuous noble deeds, you launched yourself into the same dead-end lifestyle that got you onto death row to begin with.  And sure enough, you have reached that dead-end.

            Pride now has you tightly locked up.  It is too humiliating to go back to those who used to look up to you but now hold you in contempt.  And it would also be too mortifying to admit to your party crowd that their way of life leaves you parched and desperate.
            So, where do you go from here?  Do you remember the incredible joy you felt when you were first told about the deal that I offered you?  Do you remember why?  It wasn’t only because you were being released from prison.  It was because it was free.  There were no catches.  There were no strings.  There was no cost.  You were being given something that was worth more than any human being could ever have deserved, and you did not have to do ANYTHING to receive it except to say “Yes.”

It was such good news!  And it still is!  Nothing has changed.  Go back to that moment and savor it.  Nothing remains to pay.  I have paid it all.  The new life is still yours with no obligation.  Enjoy it.  Seek pleasure that is genuine and rewarding.  Find delight in things that fulfill the deep longings of your heart.  Look for what will bring you lasting contentment.  Give, but give out of joyful abandonment, not out of dutiful drudgery.  Be free! 

Think for a moment about the last selfless acts you performed that actually filled you to overflowing with happiness, perhaps there you will find the path you are looking for.”

           

            Tears streamed down the man’s face as once more he was set free by the philanthropist, this time from a prison of his own making.  He saw clearly now that anything he did in remembrance of the gift given to him was simply a gift of love. The burden of having so much to pay yet never being able to pay enough was gone.  The burden of needing to take the philanthropist’s place in the world was gone.  He was free, free to explore who and what he really wanted to be.

            His eyes caught again the final sentence of the letter and he reflected on what that last truly enjoyable act had been.  He realized with a pang it had been sharing the good news with the other death row inmates.  As he opened the envelope to put away the letter, he saw another folded sheet of paper.  Curiously he opened it.  On it was a list of the names and addresses of the other inmates with a one line note.  As he read it he smiled, “Perhaps they need to be set free again too.”