Sabbatum Sanctum

For the Son of Man is Lord of the Sabbath.  Matthew 12:8

The church I grew up in believed in keeping the Seventh day Sabbath, or Saturday, holy.  I have many treasured Sabbath memories, but there was also a great deal of legalism associated with the day.  Recently I have spent time examining the concept of Sabbath in scripture, in the light of Grace, and because this is Easter Week, I thought it might be an appropriate time to share my thoughts with you.

When God finished the creation process, his relationship with Adam and Eve was perfect. They were in total harmony. There were no unmet expectations on either side. They had nothing to prove to God, and felt no need for him to prove anything to them. They didn’t know good, and they didn’t know evil, they just experienced the perfect rest that was their existence. All the work had been done for them, and everything was there for them to enjoy. I believe that, at the conclusion of creation, on the 7th day, they entered that “rest”, and it continued for them until Adam and Eve left that place of perfect rest by doing the one thing which broke the harmony, which was, of course, eating the fruit. At that point the curses given to them had to do with laboring, for both male and female; but, the promise was given that one day a savior would come to restore what was lost.

When the Law was given, the heart of the law was the Sabbath. The Sabbath in the law wasn’t so much “a memorial of creation”, as I was taught, it was a memorial of that blessed rest that had once existed, and a promise that it would one day be restored. All of the other commandments were true laws, but, to me, the Sabbath commandment was the only one that was pure grace. “In it thou shalt not do any work...” instead of being a suffocating rule, it was meant to be a promise of the true rest that can only be found in accepting Jesus’ completed work for us in his death and resurrection.

When Jesus was on earth, the only commandment he made a point of “breaking” was the Sabbath. He didn’t go around taking God’s name in vain, or stealing, killing or committing adultery, and then saying it was because he was above the law; but, he did go around doing what was forbidden on the Sabbath and saying he was Lord of the Sabbath. That is because he was the one and only Lord who, through his death and resurrection, could reinstate the original rest that existed at the completion of creation. He was the fulfillment of the Sabbath. In his death, he rested on the Sabbath, fulfilling once and for all the Sabbath commandment, and when he rose on Easter Sunday, He was the Sabbath rest.

Hebrews 4 speaks of the story where the Israelites were right on the border of the Promised Land, but looked to themselves and assessed their own abilities to conquor the land and found themselves lacking; so, based on their own inadequacies, they talked themselves out of entering God’s rest, even though God had told them he would do all the work for them. In Hebrews, the writer asks his readers not to make the same mistake. In other words, he warns them, us, against looking to ourselves and our own inadequacies and unworthiness to enter “the promised land”, but urges us to look to the One who has already done for us all that is necessary to enter, and asks us to enter, by faith in him.

Verse 10 of Hebrews 4 says, “For the one who has entered His rest has himself also rested from his works, as God did from His.” In other words, by accepting Jesus’ work on our behalf, by faith alone we enter His rest, and we rest from all of our vain efforts to earn our salvation by our behavior. Verse 3 says God finished his works at the foundation of the world, so “His rest” that we are entering, is the original rest which began on the 7th day. The journey from the original rest and back is completed in Christ. That rest is ours to enjoy, beginning here and now.

Vicarious Victories

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.  Hebrews 4:15-16

Have you ever come off of a spiritual high only to crash and burn in an ugly way?  Have you ever been in a weak and vulnerable place and given in to a temptation that you might normally have been able to resist?  Have you ever been challenged in a negative way to “prove yourself”, and come back with a nasty, defensive or prideful response? Have you ever used the good gifts God gave you for your own glory, rather than his?  If you answered yes to any (or, in my case, all) of these questions, take heart! 

I have read and heard the story of the first temptation of Jesus, found in Matthew 4:1-4, many times, and the typical interpretation usually focused on how Jesus responded to Satan’s initial attack by quoting scripture, thus leaving us an example of how we, too, can combat the enemy with the word of God.

Recently, however, I have looked at this story another way.  For me it really begins with the baptism of Jesus by John the Baptist.  When Jesus approached John, John objected at first, saying that he was the one who should be asking Jesus to baptize him; but, Jesus explained to John that he needed to do this “to fulfill all righteousness.”  (Matthew 3:15)  So, as Jesus began his public life, he stated its purpose, the fulfilling of every righteous requirement of God.  And why was Jesus setting out to do this?  So that he could be the perfect sacrifice, without spot or wrinkle, and be able to credit to us his own life of perfect obedience in exchange for our lives full of failure and shame.

As Jesus came up out of the baptismal water, the heavens opened and God spoke, saying, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”  What an amazing moment that must have been for Jesus!  The Eternal God, affirming him publicly at the beginning of his ministry; stating that he loved him and was pleased with him; calling him his Son! (Matthew 3:17)

The very next verse, says that “Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil.”  (Matthew 4:1) Notice who led him – The Spirit; and the purpose – to be tempted by the devil.  Jesus’ first step of fulfilling all righteousness was baptism; his second step was to be tempted by the devil.  In preparation for this second step, Jesus fasted forty days and forty nights; serious preparation for this most serious encounter!  In a masterful example of understatement, Matthew says “He was hungry.”

It was then that “The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.”” (Matthew 4:3)  At first glance, it seems to be a rather harmless temptation.  As a matter of fact, it almost seems like more of a logical suggestion, than a temptation.  But upon closer examination we notice the word, “if”, and the darker picture begins to emerge.  Here was Jesus, coming off the great high where the heavens opened, and the Spirit of God descended on him like a dove, and God called him his Son, and said he loved him and was pleased with him; and here was Satan, when Jesus was vulnerable after a forty day fast, challenging him to “prove it” – to prove that he was the Son of God – by urging him to fall prey to his current vulnerability, his hunger, and to use his power, his gifts, for his own gratification, rather than to the glory of God; the same things I listed in the opening paragraph.

And, what did Jesus do?  He met the challenge with the Word of God.  He succeeded where you and I have failed.  He fulfilled righteousness for us in that temptation.  He was victorious in our place, and he credits to us that victory in every instance of our failure!  Because of Jesus’ victories in fulfilling all righteousness for us, and nothing of our own, God now speaks to us as well, calling us His sons and daughters, telling us he loves us and that he is as pleased with us as he is with his Son!  Grace never ceases to amaze me!

My list of the vicarious victories contained in the first temptation is by no means exhaustive.  If you see more and would like to share them, I’d be delighted.  This new perspective on the temptations has made me want to delve more deeply into each one, and to all of Jesus’ life, to discover new facets of what Jesus did for me in his life, death and resurrection.  I hope that you will be inspired to do the same. 

 

UNWORTHY SERVANTS

 “Suppose one of you had a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Would he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, ‘Come along now and sit down to eat’?  Would he not rather say, ‘Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink’?  Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do?  So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’”  Luke 17:7-10

          I recently stumbled across this parable and have no memory of ever seeing it before.  Obviously, I must have, since I have read Luke many times and even taught a class on it in Senior High Sunday School, but apparently this particular passage never registered with me until now.  I suspect I know why it didn’t register.  On the surface it isn’t a warm and fuzzy parable.  As a matter of fact, it seems pretty cold!  I’m sure it made me uncomfortable, so I hurried on to more pleasant verses.  This time, however, it leapt off the page and gave me a valuable missing piece to the puzzle of grace.

 I grew up in a church that taught plenty of action/consequence and very little grace.  My church’s idea of grace was that God would give me the ability to earn my salvation, so, if I failed to earn my salvation, it wasn’t God’s fault.  In previous blogs I have written about my joyous discovery that Christianity was not about action/consequence – If I do this then God will do that - but about death/resurrection – I was dead in my transgressions and sins and God, in his mercy, made me alive with Christ. (See Ephesians 2:1-9).  For me it was very good news that not only was it going to be hard for me to earn my salvation, it was impossible, even with help, because I was dead! And while I was dead, Christ fulfilled all the requirements for me and then paid the penalty for my sins, so that when he was resurrected, I was resurrected with him!

I reveled in the fact that there was nothing more I could do to add to what Christ had already done for me.  I reveled in it, that is, until I ran into verses that sounded like there was something more I was supposed to do to add to what Christ had done for me, like good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do (See Ephesians 2:10); then, I would get nervous and uncomfortable.  And there are enough verses that talk about the good things Christians are supposed to do, and the bad things Christians are not supposed to do, that I would frequently find myself nervous and uncomfortable.  Then I would go back and reread the passages of scripture that clearly taught the finished work of Christ on my behalf, and I would feel the relief wash over me again.

I have struggled desperately to understand the part that my behavior plays in my relationship with God.  I understood that my works could never be good enough to save me; but, could my lack of good works, or my bad deeds somehow “lose” me?  Even those who believe in eternal security have a loophole that says if the person goes off the deep end they were never saved to begin with. 

I have frequently used the illustration that salvation is like a teacher giving you an A in the class on the first day, no strings attached; and then offering to help you learn the material at your own pace, with no fear of failure. The A represents salvation.  It is a gift, with no strings attached; and then God tailor makes a learning plan for each one of us, according to our individual needs. 

But that learning plan presupposes that I will learn, and by “learn” I mean become more like Jesus; but what if I don’t?  What if I look at myself after all these years of being a Christian and I still seem very much the same as I always have, with maybe a little more knowledge and understanding, but not much transformation?  How much transformation is enough? How little transformation is too little? Is there really no fear of failure? Or is the A actually conditional after all?

This parable in Luke sheds some light on those questions for me.  There is a difference between having the A and being worthy of the A.  No matter how quickly or slowly I learn the material after I receive the A; I will not be able to add to the A.  If I work extremely hard and excel at the material, I cannot raise the grade to an A+.  If I’m a dunce and can’t seem to grasp a thing, I cannot lower my grade to a B, much less an F.  I cannot become more worthy of my grade, or more unworthy of my grade, primarily because no one is worthy of the grade, or ever could be.  Earning or deserving has been completely removed from the equation.  That is the entire point.  So, any work I do is not for credit, it is simply my duty.  No thanks needs to be given to me, and when I find myself expecting a pat on the back from God, I am reminded of my true condition – unworthy. 

I don’t know about you, but I find that to be a tremendous relief! Christ alone is worthy, so I do not have to be!  And what about the works which were prepared in advance for me to do? God knows what kind of a learner I am, and he created them just for me; but, whether they are great tasks or small tasks, and whether I perform them magnificently or falteringly, they earn me no credit or demerit in his eyes, since I have already been credited with perfection! Because of that, I can stand securely in this state of grace and say with a smile, “I am an unworthy servant and have only done my duty.”

I'm No Mother Teresa

This righteousness from God comes from faith  in Jesus Christ to all who  believe.  There is no difference,  for all have sinned and fall  short of the glory of God,  and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. –Romans 3:22-24

A while ago we had a meeting at work.  To illustrate a point, we each had the name of a famous person taped to our backs and we were supposed to ask the right questions to find out who we were.  I had only been able to discover I was a woman who was not an actress.  One of my coworkers took pity on me and gave me a hint by saying, “It’s the person you are most compared to here at work.”  Rather than helping, that baffled me even more.  Ultimately they broke down and told me it was Mother Teresa.  My reaction was laughter with a touch of hysteria. 

As a result of that little exercise, however, and without my even realizing it, something began to change in the way I related at work.  Let me give you some background.   When I began that job I had a hard time.  Without going into all of the details, I had been suddenly torn away from a job I loved and was relocated to this new position, and immediately there were a number of other personnel changes which put me in a very difficult and uncomfortable situation.  I felt stressed and desperate for a long time.  I encountered opposition wherever I turned and feared I might have to resign or that I might be let go.  There were times when I felt that, no matter what I did, it would be twisted and turned against me.  I finally came to a place where I surrendered and simply told God that, instead of focusing on trying to please people I would rest in the fact that he loved me and was pleased with me, and therefore, all I wanted was to be a blessing in this job.  Every day when I arrived I would put my hand on the door, take a deep breath and ask him to help me to be a blessing, and then I would walk in.  Slowly but surely God made my paths straight.  I became more comfortable and confident in the position and I watched God smooth out the rough relationships which had caused me so much concern until I finally felt at home.

Two and a half years had passed when we had that meeting where someone made the light-hearted remark that the person I was most compared to at work was Mother Teresa.  Part of me was struck by how much had changed in those two and a half years; but, another part of me felt honored that anyone would even jokingly say that about me.  And in that moment I began to worry.  I know what happens to people on pedestals, they fall off!  No one is exempt, because no one is perfect!  I suspect that even Mother Teresa was no “Mother Teresa” all the time, but her reputation may remain intact since she is dead; unless there is a tell-all book.  I, on the other hand, am very much alive and very human.  I suddenly felt an obligation to try to be the person they seemed to think I was. 

And, do you know what happened?  The more conscious I became of how I was supposed to act to maintain the image of who they thought I was (translated: My Christian Witness) the worse I became.  I was easily annoyed, and when I become annoyed I get snippy and dictatorial.  I also became self-righteous and sometimes downright rude.  My focus was on the mistakes and failings of others.  I was a mess!  I began to dread going to work again.  All of this happened without my grasping what was going on.  I woke up one day and realized that I had gone on a downhill slide and didn’t know why or how it had happened. 

What had happened was, I put my focus on myself and started judging what I was doing for God, instead of focusing on Jesus and what he did for me, and I immediately started looking at the people around me, and judging them; it’s a law of human nature. 

Fortunately, God gently shook me and reminded me of the good news again; the news that I am a mess.  I have no image of my own to maintain.  Any goodness I have comes from the only One who is good, so I don’t have to try to be something I am not.  I just needed to let go, once more, of trying to please people and rest in the fact that God loves me and is pleased with me; then, joyfully, go back to just wanting to be a blessing.  

Repent!

“Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?” –Romans 2:4

This is not going to be a soap box preacher kind of blog, I promise; in fact, quite the opposite.  Not too long ago I discovered something about the word “repent” that has changed my mind about the way I look at it.  You’ll see in a few minutes why that is a pun I intended.

In the Old Testament, the word translated as “Repent” is the Hebrew word Sub.  It means to turn back, or return.  Obviously this was a word primarily used by the prophets who were addressing it to the nation of Israel, calling upon them to forsake their wicked ways; give up foreign idols and turn back to the God of Israel. 

To Israel God gave the Law; the law that revealed what God required man to do in order to obtain righteousness; the law which Galatians 3 says could not impart, or give us righteousness, but rather held us prisoner, locked up until faith should be revealed; the law which was put in charge to lead us to Christ.  But Israel did not have the benefit of understanding that plan.  All they knew was that God had given their nation laws, which he asked them to obey; and, for when they disobeyed, he gave them an elaborate system of sacrifices by which they could obtain forgiveness.  According to Hebrews 9, that elaborate system pointed to Christ as the only acceptable sacrifice, but again, Israel was not clearly given that information. 

Throughout the Old Testament their existence is defined by failed attempt after failed attempt to keep God’s commands and be faithful to their covenant with him; and, whether they understood it or not, their very unfaithfulness was accomplishing the purpose of demonstrating to mankind of all ages the impossibility of obtaining righteousness, or pleasing God, by works. (Romans 9:31-32) But during this cycle of failure, God always sent a messenger to his people to call them to come back to him, to return to him; in the Hebrew, to Sub.

Even today this is the primary meaning that people associate with the word “repent”.  It carries with it the idea of being sorry for or ashamed of having done the wrong thing, and turning away from that wrong thing and back to God.

But then Christ, the one for whom the nation of Israel had been created and to whom their existence had pointed, arrived, and everything changed; including the meaning of the word “repent”.  In the Greek, there are still words that have the same meaning as Sub in the Hebrew.  The word Epistrepho means “turn to” or “return” and Apostrepho means “turn away from”; but neither of those two words is translated “repent” in the New Testament. 

The word translated as “repent” in the New Testament is Metanoeo or Metanoia, and it means to change your mind or the way you think or how you comprehend something.   When used in a spiritual sense, it means to change your mind about, or the way you think about, or the way you have comprehended, God.  It is distinctly a word relating to the mind and thought processes.

Ponder the two different meanings with me for a minute.  Old Testament: Turn back or return to God.  New Testament:  Change your mind about; the way you think about; the way you have comprehended, God.  There is barely any similarity between the two definitions.  I believe there is a reason for that.  

Because, with the advent of Christ, the mystery that was kept hidden from before the foundation of the world is revealed, and everything about the way God was viewed, the entire way God was understood and perceived was going to change.  

Jesus is the final and full revelation to the world of who God is and in him we discover that God is not the wrathful God of the law (Romans 4:15) but the God of mercy, grace and forgiveness; not for those who have earned or deserved that mercy, but for all who call upon his name (Romans 10:13) because there is not one who is ever able to earn or deserve that mercy; it is a free gift. (Eph. 2:8)

Repentance in the Old Testament was primarily about sorrow and shame for the endless failed attempts to earn righteousness through obedience. Repentance in the New Testament is about joyfully discovering that God is not mad at us after all, if we have accepted the gift of his son; in fact, he is well-pleased with us, because, through Jesus’ sacrifice on our behalf, we are God’s  children, standing before him without condemnation.  (Romans 8:1)

If, today, you are still living in fear of God’s call to repentance; if you look at your life and all you see is failed attempt after failed attempt to do the right thing; if you think that you will never be able to please God; rejoice! God is calling you to change the way you have always looked at him and to rest in his love for you, his forgiveness of your sins and his power to transform your life by the renewing of your mind. (Romans 12:2).

Treasures of Egypt

“…the Israelites started wailing and said, ‘If only we had meat to eat!  We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost—also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic.  But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna!’”  --Numbers 11:4-6

 I had been plagued with this strange feeling of longing and sadness for awhile.  It would strike me at the oddest times.  For example, I would be watching television and a car commercial would come on.  While I watched the passing scenery as the car drove down the road, the feeling would wash over me.  It had nothing to do with a desire to own a new car. I’ve never cared much about what I drive.  If it starts and goes, it’s ok with me.  I couldn’t explain this feeling, even to myself.  Or, during a meal in a restaurant, I might glance across the room and see a family sitting at a nearby table and I would get an intense emotional pang.

                I tried to analyze the feeling.  It was a yearning for something that I just couldn’t put my finger on.  An advertisement for some vacation getaway could trigger it; or a sunny day with birds singing.  As time passed and the feelings continued to strike me, I considered that I might be depressed, but that didn’t really ring true.  It happened frequently enough, though, that I even pondered the idea of some hormonal imbalance.           

I began praying for insight and one day I realized that the feeling seemed to be nostalgia more than anything else.   I thought maybe it was empty nest syndrome, but even though my children were grown and out of the house, I was in touch with each one of them frequently and they had been gone for awhile by then.  If it was nostalgia, what was I nostalgic for?

I thought back over my life to see if there was any particular time period that I yearned to return to, but, to be honest, there wasn’t. There had been many treasured moments, but as far as a stage I might want to live over again, not a one.  I couldn’t even say it was a longing for my lost youth.  I was in good health and really didn’t feel much different than I had when I was twenty or even thirty years younger.

I seemed to be suffering from generalized nostalgia with no particular object.  Then, slowly, tiny revelation by tiny revelation, God began to show me what it was.  It was nostalgia for all of the things I had expected from the world and had never received; all of the illusory promises of this life that were never quite as I had dreamed or hoped they would be; Nostalgia for what was supposed to be and never was.  Yet, how could someone be nostalgic for something that never was?

In the scripture above, the Israelites were nostalgic.  On their journey from Egypt to the Promised Land God had provided for their every need, including what scripture refers to as the grain of heaven – manna.  Manna wasn’t earthly food.  It didn’t grow in the ground or on a tree or bush.  It was food that God created and gave to them daily. It was a thin white wafer that looked like coriander seed and tasted like wafers made with honey and olive oil.  Imagine, heavenly food prepared by God himself!

But, after awhile, the Israelites got tired of what God was giving them; they grew tired of the hardships of the journey, and they became nostalgic.  They fondly remembered sitting around eating all they wanted of the free pots of meat or fish cooked with leeks, onions and garlic, with sides of cucumbers and melons; somehow forgetting that they had been slaves doing forced labor during that time!  They were nostalgic for what had never been and convinced themselves that the pleasures of Egypt were better than what God was providing for them on the journey to the Promised Land, and would gladly have gone back if they had been given the chance.

If I was offered the opportunity to go back in time and have all of my earthly dreams fulfilled versus eating God’s provision of daily bread and water for my journey to the Promised Land – bread that  sometimes includes the “bread of adversity” and water that is sometimes the “water of affliction” (Isaiah 30:20)—would I go? I would like to think I would decline.  But there is no such offer, because the promises of this world are illusions. Even the earthly dreams that are fulfilled leave us unsatisfied; empty. The pleasures of this world are meant primarily for the enjoyment of the people who belong to this world.

I still experience those pangs from time to time, but I recognize them now for what they are – yearnings for what never was and can never be in this world; yearnings that are meant to point me to the Land of Promise where the deepest longings of our hearts will be fulfilled in a manner that is beyond our imagination.  My aim is to be like Moses who, “…chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin.  He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward.” (Hebrews 11:25-26)

God's Question

I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." --Psalm 91:2



"Will you trust me with your children?" God may as well have spoken those words out loud to me I heard them so clearly. I was in the middle of a study of the Book of Jeremiah. In that book the Lord has a lot to say about listening to him and trusting him, no matter how dark the future may appear, because he is in control of everything.  My mind had turned, as it so often did, to my children and their futures. I had all kinds of hopes and dreams for them, but there was nothing I wanted more than that relationship with God which would carry them through whatever life might throw at them. Then I heard that question, and my first response was a fearful, "Why are you asking?"

Over the years I have come to the conclusion that, in the deepest, darkest recesses of everyone's heart there lurks the suspicion that God is actually mean. It was the serpent's first line of attack in the Garden when he told Eve that Mean Old God didn't want her to eat from that tree because he knew it would make her become like Him. That lie seems to have become a part of our human nature ever since Eve took that bite. It's almost like we are just waiting for God to do something to us so we can say, "Aha! I knew it all along."

That was the suspicion I felt as I heard that question.  I knew I was supposed to say, "Yes, Lord, of course I will trust you with my children", but what if he was asking me that because something terrible was about to happen to one or all of them? I struggled as I sat there with the question hanging in the air. It may sound silly, but I sobbed as I finally said yes.

Life went on as usual and I began to think maybe I had made too much out of  things. Then, one Sunday,  I had just finished ministering on a women's weekend about an hour and a half from my home and my husband had driven up in the evening with our two daughters, ages 16 and 13, for the closing service. The plan was for my oldest daughter, who had just gotten her license, to drive my husband's car home, following right behind us, so that my husband and I would have time together to share about the weekend. The key words in that sentence were following right behind us. My daughter had never driven more than a few miles from our home and certainly was not adept at navigating the major interstates that we had to travel to get back home. This was in the dark ages before GPS or even cell phones! In retrospect it was a dumb plan, but hindsight, as they say, is 20/20.

We had to merge into the right hand lane to get onto the first highway and we got separated by a couple of other cars who were also getting over.  I thought I saw her get into the lane, but in the darkness it was hard to tell and just as I was rolling down the exit ramp, I saw her whiz by, heading to parts unknown! There were cars behind me on the ramp and I had committed to the exit by then. There was nothing I could do but continue down the ramp onto the highway.  I can tell you it was the most helpless feeling in the world.  I had no way to get back to her until I came to the first exit and turned around. By then, I had no idea how I would ever be able to find her. I couldn't call her. I had no way of predicting what she would do. I pictured her getting hysterical and terrifying her younger sister. Then I began to imagine all of the horrible things that might happen to them, from accidents to their stopping to ask for help from some deranged maniac.

Even my husband wasn't sure what the best plan of action was.  We thought about finding the nearest police station and enlisting their help, but we weren't even sure where the police station was and it felt like we were wasting time.  Of course I began praying with all my heart and soul, and suddenly God's question came into my mind again. I had told him I would trust him with my children and if there was ever a time for that, this was it.  I felt a peace come over me and told my husband that we were just going to drive home.  I wasn't sure what I was going to do when I got there, but I just released that to God and kept driving. As I write this, I can actually feel how every nerve in my body strained as I peered through the darkness when we finally turned onto our street, and then I saw her car in the driveway. She had actually beaten us home!

I was so grateful and relieved! I immediately called some of my friends who had been with me on the women's weekend and told them the story of God's question and how it had come to my mind when my girls were lost and how I had been given peace and the ability to trust Him, and how they had actually gotten home before I did.  I decided this must have been the reason God had asked me to trust him, and I was thrilled that, with his help, I had passed the test.

Then, a short time later, my son got appendicitis and had to have emergency surgery in the middle of the night. As I sat in the darkened waiting room, I remembered the question again and wondered if this was why God had asked. When the doctor came out and said everything had gone well I was relieved on several levels. Of course I was grateful that my son would be ok, but I also thought that maybe my trial by fire was over and I could relax now.

Then my husband got sick; first a heart attack and then the cancer diagnosis. Each of my children responded to the circumstances in their own way and God's question came to my mind many times during that period.

It took awhile, but somewhere along the way it occurred to me that God's question wasn't meant to prepare me for some single test or incident, it was meant to teach me a way of life.  For most of us mothers, and fathers too, there is nothing we feel more posessive and protective of than our children; It's a God-given instinct. But even that instinct must be surrendered to God.

Over the years that question has helped to bring my focus back to where it needed to be during many trying situations including teenage rebellions, particularly my son's; my youngest daughter's serious car accident and subsequent recovery; various difficult relationships they all went through. As those of you who are parents of grown children have learned, there never seems to come a time when that protective instinct switches off.  But, while I as a parent would  never choose to see my children suffer, life will bring them suffering, and it is a sad fact that God often reaches and teaches us best during those trials. God will not spare my children life's struggles, nor should he. I am just grateful he asked me that question so long ago, and taught me to say yes.