Repent!

“Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?” –Romans 2:4

This is not going to be a soap box preacher kind of blog, I promise; in fact, quite the opposite.  Not too long ago I discovered something about the word “repent” that has changed my mind about the way I look at it.  You’ll see in a few minutes why that is a pun I intended.

In the Old Testament, the word translated as “Repent” is the Hebrew word Sub.  It means to turn back, or return.  Obviously this was a word primarily used by the prophets who were addressing it to the nation of Israel, calling upon them to forsake their wicked ways; give up foreign idols and turn back to the God of Israel. 

To Israel God gave the Law; the law that revealed what God required man to do in order to obtain righteousness; the law which Galatians 3 says could not impart, or give us righteousness, but rather held us prisoner, locked up until faith should be revealed; the law which was put in charge to lead us to Christ.  But Israel did not have the benefit of understanding that plan.  All they knew was that God had given their nation laws, which he asked them to obey; and, for when they disobeyed, he gave them an elaborate system of sacrifices by which they could obtain forgiveness.  According to Hebrews 9, that elaborate system pointed to Christ as the only acceptable sacrifice, but again, Israel was not clearly given that information. 

Throughout the Old Testament their existence is defined by failed attempt after failed attempt to keep God’s commands and be faithful to their covenant with him; and, whether they understood it or not, their very unfaithfulness was accomplishing the purpose of demonstrating to mankind of all ages the impossibility of obtaining righteousness, or pleasing God, by works. (Romans 9:31-32) But during this cycle of failure, God always sent a messenger to his people to call them to come back to him, to return to him; in the Hebrew, to Sub.

Even today this is the primary meaning that people associate with the word “repent”.  It carries with it the idea of being sorry for or ashamed of having done the wrong thing, and turning away from that wrong thing and back to God.

But then Christ, the one for whom the nation of Israel had been created and to whom their existence had pointed, arrived, and everything changed; including the meaning of the word “repent”.  In the Greek, there are still words that have the same meaning as Sub in the Hebrew.  The word Epistrepho means “turn to” or “return” and Apostrepho means “turn away from”; but neither of those two words is translated “repent” in the New Testament. 

The word translated as “repent” in the New Testament is Metanoeo or Metanoia, and it means to change your mind or the way you think or how you comprehend something.   When used in a spiritual sense, it means to change your mind about, or the way you think about, or the way you have comprehended, God.  It is distinctly a word relating to the mind and thought processes.

Ponder the two different meanings with me for a minute.  Old Testament: Turn back or return to God.  New Testament:  Change your mind about; the way you think about; the way you have comprehended, God.  There is barely any similarity between the two definitions.  I believe there is a reason for that.  

Because, with the advent of Christ, the mystery that was kept hidden from before the foundation of the world is revealed, and everything about the way God was viewed, the entire way God was understood and perceived was going to change.  

Jesus is the final and full revelation to the world of who God is and in him we discover that God is not the wrathful God of the law (Romans 4:15) but the God of mercy, grace and forgiveness; not for those who have earned or deserved that mercy, but for all who call upon his name (Romans 10:13) because there is not one who is ever able to earn or deserve that mercy; it is a free gift. (Eph. 2:8)

Repentance in the Old Testament was primarily about sorrow and shame for the endless failed attempts to earn righteousness through obedience. Repentance in the New Testament is about joyfully discovering that God is not mad at us after all, if we have accepted the gift of his son; in fact, he is well-pleased with us, because, through Jesus’ sacrifice on our behalf, we are God’s  children, standing before him without condemnation.  (Romans 8:1)

If, today, you are still living in fear of God’s call to repentance; if you look at your life and all you see is failed attempt after failed attempt to do the right thing; if you think that you will never be able to please God; rejoice! God is calling you to change the way you have always looked at him and to rest in his love for you, his forgiveness of your sins and his power to transform your life by the renewing of your mind. (Romans 12:2).

Treasures of Egypt

“…the Israelites started wailing and said, ‘If only we had meat to eat!  We remember the fish we ate in Egypt at no cost—also the cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions and garlic.  But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna!’”  --Numbers 11:4-6

 I had been plagued with this strange feeling of longing and sadness for awhile.  It would strike me at the oddest times.  For example, I would be watching television and a car commercial would come on.  While I watched the passing scenery as the car drove down the road, the feeling would wash over me.  It had nothing to do with a desire to own a new car. I’ve never cared much about what I drive.  If it starts and goes, it’s ok with me.  I couldn’t explain this feeling, even to myself.  Or, during a meal in a restaurant, I might glance across the room and see a family sitting at a nearby table and I would get an intense emotional pang.

                I tried to analyze the feeling.  It was a yearning for something that I just couldn’t put my finger on.  An advertisement for some vacation getaway could trigger it; or a sunny day with birds singing.  As time passed and the feelings continued to strike me, I considered that I might be depressed, but that didn’t really ring true.  It happened frequently enough, though, that I even pondered the idea of some hormonal imbalance.           

I began praying for insight and one day I realized that the feeling seemed to be nostalgia more than anything else.   I thought maybe it was empty nest syndrome, but even though my children were grown and out of the house, I was in touch with each one of them frequently and they had been gone for awhile by then.  If it was nostalgia, what was I nostalgic for?

I thought back over my life to see if there was any particular time period that I yearned to return to, but, to be honest, there wasn’t. There had been many treasured moments, but as far as a stage I might want to live over again, not a one.  I couldn’t even say it was a longing for my lost youth.  I was in good health and really didn’t feel much different than I had when I was twenty or even thirty years younger.

I seemed to be suffering from generalized nostalgia with no particular object.  Then, slowly, tiny revelation by tiny revelation, God began to show me what it was.  It was nostalgia for all of the things I had expected from the world and had never received; all of the illusory promises of this life that were never quite as I had dreamed or hoped they would be; Nostalgia for what was supposed to be and never was.  Yet, how could someone be nostalgic for something that never was?

In the scripture above, the Israelites were nostalgic.  On their journey from Egypt to the Promised Land God had provided for their every need, including what scripture refers to as the grain of heaven – manna.  Manna wasn’t earthly food.  It didn’t grow in the ground or on a tree or bush.  It was food that God created and gave to them daily. It was a thin white wafer that looked like coriander seed and tasted like wafers made with honey and olive oil.  Imagine, heavenly food prepared by God himself!

But, after awhile, the Israelites got tired of what God was giving them; they grew tired of the hardships of the journey, and they became nostalgic.  They fondly remembered sitting around eating all they wanted of the free pots of meat or fish cooked with leeks, onions and garlic, with sides of cucumbers and melons; somehow forgetting that they had been slaves doing forced labor during that time!  They were nostalgic for what had never been and convinced themselves that the pleasures of Egypt were better than what God was providing for them on the journey to the Promised Land, and would gladly have gone back if they had been given the chance.

If I was offered the opportunity to go back in time and have all of my earthly dreams fulfilled versus eating God’s provision of daily bread and water for my journey to the Promised Land – bread that  sometimes includes the “bread of adversity” and water that is sometimes the “water of affliction” (Isaiah 30:20)—would I go? I would like to think I would decline.  But there is no such offer, because the promises of this world are illusions. Even the earthly dreams that are fulfilled leave us unsatisfied; empty. The pleasures of this world are meant primarily for the enjoyment of the people who belong to this world.

I still experience those pangs from time to time, but I recognize them now for what they are – yearnings for what never was and can never be in this world; yearnings that are meant to point me to the Land of Promise where the deepest longings of our hearts will be fulfilled in a manner that is beyond our imagination.  My aim is to be like Moses who, “…chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin.  He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward.” (Hebrews 11:25-26)

God's Question

I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." --Psalm 91:2



"Will you trust me with your children?" God may as well have spoken those words out loud to me I heard them so clearly. I was in the middle of a study of the Book of Jeremiah. In that book the Lord has a lot to say about listening to him and trusting him, no matter how dark the future may appear, because he is in control of everything.  My mind had turned, as it so often did, to my children and their futures. I had all kinds of hopes and dreams for them, but there was nothing I wanted more than that relationship with God which would carry them through whatever life might throw at them. Then I heard that question, and my first response was a fearful, "Why are you asking?"

Over the years I have come to the conclusion that, in the deepest, darkest recesses of everyone's heart there lurks the suspicion that God is actually mean. It was the serpent's first line of attack in the Garden when he told Eve that Mean Old God didn't want her to eat from that tree because he knew it would make her become like Him. That lie seems to have become a part of our human nature ever since Eve took that bite. It's almost like we are just waiting for God to do something to us so we can say, "Aha! I knew it all along."

That was the suspicion I felt as I heard that question.  I knew I was supposed to say, "Yes, Lord, of course I will trust you with my children", but what if he was asking me that because something terrible was about to happen to one or all of them? I struggled as I sat there with the question hanging in the air. It may sound silly, but I sobbed as I finally said yes.

Life went on as usual and I began to think maybe I had made too much out of  things. Then, one Sunday,  I had just finished ministering on a women's weekend about an hour and a half from my home and my husband had driven up in the evening with our two daughters, ages 16 and 13, for the closing service. The plan was for my oldest daughter, who had just gotten her license, to drive my husband's car home, following right behind us, so that my husband and I would have time together to share about the weekend. The key words in that sentence were following right behind us. My daughter had never driven more than a few miles from our home and certainly was not adept at navigating the major interstates that we had to travel to get back home. This was in the dark ages before GPS or even cell phones! In retrospect it was a dumb plan, but hindsight, as they say, is 20/20.

We had to merge into the right hand lane to get onto the first highway and we got separated by a couple of other cars who were also getting over.  I thought I saw her get into the lane, but in the darkness it was hard to tell and just as I was rolling down the exit ramp, I saw her whiz by, heading to parts unknown! There were cars behind me on the ramp and I had committed to the exit by then. There was nothing I could do but continue down the ramp onto the highway.  I can tell you it was the most helpless feeling in the world.  I had no way to get back to her until I came to the first exit and turned around. By then, I had no idea how I would ever be able to find her. I couldn't call her. I had no way of predicting what she would do. I pictured her getting hysterical and terrifying her younger sister. Then I began to imagine all of the horrible things that might happen to them, from accidents to their stopping to ask for help from some deranged maniac.

Even my husband wasn't sure what the best plan of action was.  We thought about finding the nearest police station and enlisting their help, but we weren't even sure where the police station was and it felt like we were wasting time.  Of course I began praying with all my heart and soul, and suddenly God's question came into my mind again. I had told him I would trust him with my children and if there was ever a time for that, this was it.  I felt a peace come over me and told my husband that we were just going to drive home.  I wasn't sure what I was going to do when I got there, but I just released that to God and kept driving. As I write this, I can actually feel how every nerve in my body strained as I peered through the darkness when we finally turned onto our street, and then I saw her car in the driveway. She had actually beaten us home!

I was so grateful and relieved! I immediately called some of my friends who had been with me on the women's weekend and told them the story of God's question and how it had come to my mind when my girls were lost and how I had been given peace and the ability to trust Him, and how they had actually gotten home before I did.  I decided this must have been the reason God had asked me to trust him, and I was thrilled that, with his help, I had passed the test.

Then, a short time later, my son got appendicitis and had to have emergency surgery in the middle of the night. As I sat in the darkened waiting room, I remembered the question again and wondered if this was why God had asked. When the doctor came out and said everything had gone well I was relieved on several levels. Of course I was grateful that my son would be ok, but I also thought that maybe my trial by fire was over and I could relax now.

Then my husband got sick; first a heart attack and then the cancer diagnosis. Each of my children responded to the circumstances in their own way and God's question came to my mind many times during that period.

It took awhile, but somewhere along the way it occurred to me that God's question wasn't meant to prepare me for some single test or incident, it was meant to teach me a way of life.  For most of us mothers, and fathers too, there is nothing we feel more posessive and protective of than our children; It's a God-given instinct. But even that instinct must be surrendered to God.

Over the years that question has helped to bring my focus back to where it needed to be during many trying situations including teenage rebellions, particularly my son's; my youngest daughter's serious car accident and subsequent recovery; various difficult relationships they all went through. As those of you who are parents of grown children have learned, there never seems to come a time when that protective instinct switches off.  But, while I as a parent would  never choose to see my children suffer, life will bring them suffering, and it is a sad fact that God often reaches and teaches us best during those trials. God will not spare my children life's struggles, nor should he. I am just grateful he asked me that question so long ago, and taught me to say yes.